Sometimes we become dependent on the very thing that enslaves us.
We become familiar with the pain, the posturing, and the silence. We busy ourselves with big plans, pretty vision boards, and very important research. We build our nest inside the burning tree, and then refer to the heat as sunlight.
We make our slavery okay by calling it hustle, grind, life challenges, a phase, a this-too-shall-pass moment, …whatever. We let our men, our women, our mamas, our daddies, and our to-do lists gut-punch us on the daily, and we stay calling it “putting in work.” We eat our pain, drink our fears, smoke out our stifled spaces, but none of those balms heal wounds. We let ourselves get hit by the whip of that capture–be it our jobs, our partners, our children, or our own tendencies—and then call it Life Experience.
We stay in mud, and then pray to God to keep us clean. Word?
We walk the path of Capture-bonding: a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them.
We’re walking around with Stockholm Syndrome up in ‘dis bitch–and we’re steady calling it Life.
We can’t live like this. We will not survive our silence, nor will we ever outrun our fears. We cannot pray away our acquiescence anymore than we can inspire our captures to prioritize our freedom.
So then, what can you and I do? What can we stop avoiding, and start designing, so that we can recognize ourselves, name our emotions, and get to the life we truly desire?
Each of us knows our answer, even if it is not at tips of our tongues waiting to escape our parted lips. For me, that answer is to write my ass off, and to create and be aware of spaces where what I write brings voice and solutions to women in similar forms of capture.
What is the answer for you? I don’t know, Love. That’s your story to tell, but I can give you something that helps you see the characters, the plot, and the possibility of a far more delicious story. I coach women who are ready to un-mute, to speak up, and to practice radical self-expression. If you are in that space, the image below links to a description of my coaching style/focus. See if it’s for you.