All this time I was assuming that most women were drawn to me because they were in the same place in their journeys as me. I thought my tribe was confident and clear about their vision, they just needed strategy and soulwork to put it all together.
I was wrong. It turns out that it’s far more foundational than that.
I did a personal leadership webinar last week, and the feedback from the women who attended—plus the ones who emailed me after watching the replay—hipped me to a previously hidden (at least from me) truth.
While it is true that some women read me and work with me because we are in similar spiritual and professional spaces, there is a parallel group that I didn’t realize existed; I’ve taken to calling them my OtherLoves.
OtherLoves need me now, the way I needed Danielle LaPorte, and Ev’Yan Whitney and Susan L. Taylor, and Grace Jones, and Queen Oprah back in the day.
And the way I still need Maya Angelou, and Audre Lorde, and Arielle Loren, and Zora Neale Hurston, and Melissa Harris Perry, and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Louise Bennett to give me examples of how women stay firmly rooted in my deepest truths.
My OtherLoves intend to get unflinchingly confident standing on their own goddamn feet, instead of blowing with the winds and doubting their magic, and allowing relationships and fears to control their decisions.
They are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be all self-actualized and whatnot. But they intend to master what it means to be the entirely confident, God-loving, eternally grateful, massively successful type of women who either inspire or intimidate other people.
The OtherLove woman is my tribe too. She is the woman I write for when I light fires under asses so that women can feel free to be themselves. And to trust themselves to lead themselves.
Not that I myself am self-actualized or that I’ve achieved the massive success I know I am destined for—
But what I am is a confident woman who knows herself thoroughly, and knows exactly how to be her own hero. I have a clear vision for my life, I require no validation, and I have all the resources I need to manifest that vision; it is in motion in this very moment, and nothing can possibly stop it.
But I know that it takes more than just a vision for one’s life; it takes clarity and confidence, and I see now that not every woman has that just yet.
OtherLoves are looking for that clarity of vision, but get stuck:
…fending off the emotional spectrum that come with adulthood
…recovering from significant childhood traumas and toxic relationships
…navigating people’s “feedback” and warnings about entrepreneurship
…feeling unsupported by the people they love the most
…figuring out how to raise their babies and their consciousness at the same damn time
…feeling misunderstood by everyone, including their own selves
…feeling like they’re ready to live the lives they crave, but that their emotional and external environments won’t be strong enough or savvy enough to go the distance.
The what-ifs are validated in advance by people’s responses, and by their own fears, so their confidence wanes and their efforts are all over the place. And so they fizzle. And then they blame themselves for not doing something right.
So I’m backing up a bit to give my work, my knowledge, and my support to women who are in that space.
Because I have been exactly that woman, and I am proof that it is possible to transition into a completely different space. Because I see now that my tribe, my sisterhood of Betty Badass, big-goal having, soul-centered business minded, service focused sisters have to first stand in their own truths before they can confidently and consistently serve anybody else.
And because self-care should not be that woman’s side-project; it should be infused into her main priorities.
Are you (or one of your sister-friends) one of my OtherLoves?
Here’s my plan for supporting women in that space:
Instead of opening up Radical Self-Expression Unschool in January, I’m holding off until Spring. There is foundational work to be done, so that what is planted in the unschool will thrive in healthy soil.
If you haven’t already joined my personal leadership email list, click here to do that now. And if you want a complimentary 9-step guide for feeling through all those stuck points I mentioned, you get exactly that when you join that particular list.
Through that list, I’ll send you special invitations to no-cost gatherings and occasional paid training sessions about being a better leader to yourself.
If that resonates, sign up for that list, and I’ll talk to you soon.
Oh, and here’s a peek at the next free webinar…