A Radical Relationship Question You Better Be Asking

Who are the top five influencers in your life right now?
I’m not talking about famous inspiration icons either. I’m talking about the people with whom you interact daily; the ones whose words and feelings roam about in your mind on a daily basis. Is it your man? Your woman? Your mentor? Your child? Your manager at work? Your mama Whoever it is, I encourage you to take a moment to recognize the level of influence these people have on your feelings and choices each day. Over the past week I celebrated the life of my grandmother-in-law. She passed away and her seven children decided to celebrate her transition and her life in grand style. I, along with her grandson (my husband, Kris), our daughters, her daughter and her son-in-law (Kris’ parents), Grandma M’s six other children, and their partners and children, attended her funeral, and then spent five days together in a perfect little beach house right near where Grandma M. lived, and where Kris’ mother and her siblings grew up.


There were about 18 of us, and as we roamed the house together, listening to the older generation recalling old times, laughing, talking, eating, enjoying, and familiarizing ourselves with each other.  Old photos and even older memories were at the core of our conversations.  A blend of familiarity and newness was constantly lingering, as some of us were meeting each other for the first time. Accents from New Zealand, England, Barbados, America, and Jamaica danced around in the air, and mixed with the breeze to make a magical environment ripe for self-expression work. I made it a point to speak to everybody, to get a glimpse of the dynamics of the relationships and how people felt in those spaces.


All of it lead me to share with you that self-inquiry question with you:
Who are the top five influencers in your life right now?
3 reasons why that question holds so much power
Because health is tied to human influence.

We are biologically wired to seek and form close bonds. These bonds influence everything from our mood to our physical and spiritual health.  Can you afford to build and maintain a relationship that costs you your health? Here’s a great read on the costs of unhealthy bonds and why we’ve got to do better.

Because your relationships influence your income and your impact

We tend to think of relationships in great detail when it comes to intimacy. We want to know our partners, and we want dignity, expressed regard, respect, and understanding.  But our work environments can and should be held to a similar standard.  Here’s a great read on facilitating a culture of dignity in your work environment.

Because organics aren’t just about food

Some of us try to force bonds in relationships out of personal baggage, fear, and other emotional triggers. While we may be well-intentioned, the outcome is almost never in our favor. Instead of constantly walking uphill in our relationships, particularly with the people we interact with on a daily basis—we’ve got to start being more present so we notice organic connections.  Here’s a great read on the benefits of forming organic relationships.

Because self-trust is a delicate feeling that requires our presence

In some relationships, we are abandoned emotionally, but in others, we abandon ourselves.  We lose our way, give up our power, and surrender to fear disguised as love.  Thankfully, that path can be retraced and self-trust can be reclaimed.  My friend and fellow coach, Monique Allison, does powerful work with women and reclamation, and she wrote about part of that process here.

Who are the top five influencers in your life right now?  And what can you do to strengthen or sever those ties so that you can be your happiest, most fully expressed self?