A Love Letter to My Anger

“I am not angry, I am anger.” Amir Sulaiman, Danger

FOCUS: Mining my anger, recovering without losing the bits I need to keep.

OPENING CHANT: Mi deh pon recovery and reclamation vibes right ya now. Full access, fully-equipped, perfec’ timin’. Awoah!

Basically: I have full access to recovery and reclamation; I am willing and able to use those energies as much as I need to.

——

Recovery is about healing, right?

It’s about getting better. Moving past something that gave you physical or mental limitations of some sort. We recover from broken legs, broken promises, broken hearts. Recovery can be done alone in the privacy of your own home, or your own heart.

Other times it calls for helpers like physical and emotional therapists, and equipment like machines that help us regain the use of a limb. Or herbs that help our bodies do what they are meant and often equipped to do.

Reclamation is about returning to something, and something returning to you.

It can be tangible things, like touching. It can also be something that touches you, but you can’t touch it, like your confidence, your intuition, your shadow spaces that backed away because of lack of nurturing, or because someone hurt it—hurt you.

I often think about my adult life as an ongoing process of recovery and reclamation. I’m recovering from tings that happened to me, and from the consequences of some choices I made.

I am also recovering from hurt that came before me.

I see me as a waterfall,
flowing infinitely,
where people come for
intimate and intentional
recovery and reclamation
in relationships,
in communication,
in the ways we
give and receive
love and care.

I am people, so I too call on the energies that comprise me, especially in moments like these, when recovery and reclamation carry pain and threaten impasse.

I am not only a waterfall,
I am a beneficiary of these waters and how they heal.
I will let these feelings flow.
I will remember that recovery can call for pain.

Pushing past ego and hurt-the-fuck-up feelings
Acknowledging my role in the pain, and my power to move beyond it.
Invoking the energies of my Guidance Counsel
Nesting in all of this, and trusting it, trusting me, trusting God-Self.

Breathing, easing, trusting past my feelings and into my life-force,
Accepting my anger, and recovering without losing the bits I need to keep.